. . .

i haven't written in a very long time.

i guess i just haven't been in a good place, mentally.

i didn't want to dwell on things here.

i've written and erased this post several times in the last few months...

but i miss having my blog, and i don't want to pretend this didn't happen neither...

on march 20^th my father died from a heart attack.

he had had one before, 5 years ago, when i was still in college, but because of that he had been constantly checked on, and was doing as normal as one can. no red flags whatsoever...

so you can understand how unexpected and devastating it was to me.

i went to portugal for the funeral and stayed for a week. when i returned to work, i just simply couldn't work. It was unbearable for me to stay in the office, working, like nothing had happened and with everyone telling me how sorry they were for me...

i took another week off of work, and still felt the same...

i had been having (what i know now are) anxiety attacks prior to my father's death, but they became a lot more frequent.

so i decided, with the help of tó, to quit my job and take some time to feel better without any pressure.

pass forward 4 months, and one attempt to move to switzernland, and i'm still here in paris, feeling and doing better, but without a job and feeling rather useless, really.

for a while i tried to change my life, to meet my dream of living somwhere quiet, with mountains, and when i went to genève for a job interview (which in the end i didn't get...) i absolutely loved it...

this past week, however,  i finally got into my head that i can't stay like this anymore.  i'm now starting to apply for jobs in paris again - afterall, my boyfriend has a secure job here, we have a nice studio and we do have good friends here!

so when i actually think about it, my life is actually good here in paris... :)

it's time to move on with life, so here's to the happy times to come*

chenonceau

more than twenty days have passed since my last post.

i really feel like i have no time for anything lately...

but that's not entirely true since i went last weekend to berlin. 

it was my first time in germany. and i loved feeling like a real turist again :)

i turned 27 on the 17th and tó gave me a smartphone - i guess he had it with hearing me sigh for an instagram account... haha. so now that i finally have one, feel free to follow me :)

but for the moment i'd like to share some photos of the 2nd castle we visited in the loire region - chenonceau.

ever since i saw a photo of this bridge-castle on the internet i knew i had to see it!

it was quite a gloomy day, but its gardens were kind of magical. we wandered around outside just until it started pouring rain... then it was time to enter in this unique castle :)

chambord

in my last post i had said we had done a little trip to a couple of castles.

i finally got the photos back (well some of them)

and thus i'm sharing them with you.

this is château de chambord. we got there only an hour and a half before closing time, but it was time enought to be overwhelmed.

i think i went a little overboard with the photos of the towers, but i took them as we walked through the different paths of the castle. from any point in the castle you were led to a gallery that overlooked the enumerous towers, as well as the courtyard. there was a stunning staircase in double spiral with zenital light that i didn't manage to capture well on film...

still i think you can get a glimpse of the intricate castle of chambord from these :)

the church of light and color

last weekend me and tó went to visit a church he wanted to see for a really long time. the church was designed by the french architect Auguste Perret and it is only 10km away from our home, in Raincy.

it was a gloomy day, and therefore the light didn't shine through as bright as we hoped for, but every now and then, a ray of light woud come in and the whole room would gain a magical feel. you really felt the presence of specs of light and color, and it felt rather peaceful, even for me, an atheist.

these are the ones in the roll of film developed so far, but i will definately go back there in the spring/summer with a better film for indoors photography :)

also this weekend we went to see a couple of chateaux in the loire :)

gloomy weather once again, but it was so worthy the drive there!

we've liked it so much we've decided we want to explore that area of france for a longer period than just a weekend when the weather gets better :)

it was great just to go outside of paris... and experience more of a rural area as the big city is starting to really stress me...